The Advice from A Dad That Helped Me during my time as a New Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to take a respite - spending a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."